3 Tips for Parents During the Long Winter Break

Now that your son/daughter is home for the winter break here are 3 Tips to Help Parents Survive the Long Winter Break (5 weeks!) with your teenager at home!!

TIP #1 - Celebrate your teen's fall semester successes

Your son/daughter has been living away from home since the end of August and they have managed to navigate many challenging transitions..... living with a roommate, making friends, managing a schedule of classes and appointments, eating meals, personal hygiene, attending social activities, academic content, professional relationships with instructors, managing medication, their own emotional self-care, getting exercise, learning how to study and take a college midterm and final exam, managing their changing relationship with siblings/pets/parents, etc. Whew! The list of transitions your teenager has had to overcome is quite long!!

Even though your teenager may have fallen short in some of these areas, simply by living on their own they have successfully managed to take care of many of the tasks on the above list. Remind them of this and find reasons to praise them.

Yes, they may have gained a lot of weight BUT they became involved in a club/sport and excelled at making friends.

Yes, they may have failed their midterm and final exam BUT they managed to attend all of their classes on time.

Yes, they may have struggled with emotional regulation outside of the classroom BUT they also earned B's in all of their classes and remembered to do laundry.

Remind your son/daughter (and maybe yourself) of their successes - they already know about the areas where you are disappointed (and might be focusing on this more than you know).

TIP #2 - Set Your Expectations for Couch Time

Your son/daughter had a busy semester and needs some time to relax at home - true. Your son/daughter wants to enjoy the comforts of home and enjoys your home cooking - true. But PLEASE DO NOT LET YOUR TEENAGER SIT ON THE COUCH AT HOME FOR THE ENTIRE WINTER BREAK!

Encourage your son/daughter to get a job or volunteer while they are at home. Volunteering for even 10 hours a week is a way to add to their resume in preparation for a summer job. Getting out of the house is important especially before the weather becomes a barrier to leaving home.

If your son/daughter doesn't want to volunteer, give them projects around the house that you expect to be accomplished each day. Organizing shelves/cabinets, donating old clothes, raking leaves are small chores that support the teachings at Thames Academy on persistence, hard work and goal setting.

Bring your son/daughter to a used book store or library and let them choose books/graphic novels to read over the break. Remember, YOU SET THE EXPECTATIONS when they return home. Teenagers will stay on the couch UNLESS YOU TELL THEM OTHERWISE.

At Thames Academy, your teenager was living independently and managed just fine. He/she did laundry, showered, ate meals, and managed a schedule. It is reasonable to expect your teenager to do these same things while they are at home. Let them do their own laundry - prepare meals with you - make their bed - take their own medication. Don't fall back into old habits. Your teenager has been independent. Encourage them to continue to do as many tasks on their own as they can!

TIP #3 - When The Weeks Get Long, the Feeling is Mutual

At some point during the winter break both you and your teenager will feel some tension. Tension is a really nice way to put it. They will start to get on your nerves and might press the limits of your patience. You may start counting the days until they return to Thames Academy but then ask yourself, "Wait, I missed them when they were away from home. Why am I wishing the winter to go  by so fast?" The guilt will set it in and you will may feel torn. You like having your teen at home but you wish they would go back to school because things were easier when they were gone.

If it is any reassurance - your son/daughter feels the same way. Around week 3 or week 4 of being home, your son/daughter may start being on social media more often and even ask you if they can visit their friends from Thames. They, too, are starting to feel the "tension" and realizing that rules at home feel different than living on their own at school. Your teenagers also may feel guilty about wanting to return to school. Feeling this tension is normal. You and your son/daughter have both adopted new ways of living for the last 4 months. Returning home may not feel the same as when they left in August.

Tip #3 is meant to encourage you through the difficult times of the winter semester. Enjoy your teenager while they are at home and know that it is normal for the break to feel like 50 weeks instead of 5 weeks. Instead of fighting the stress and tension that may erupt in early January (or sooner for some families!) try to relax and know that soon you and your child will have space (when they return to school and begin spring semester) and then you will miss them again (probably) :)