Lesson 1 - Be Flexible
Lesson 2 - Phone Calls, Emails and Texts...Oh My!
In this book, the author talks about having physical reactions to phone calls from her son's school because she knew a phone call meant there was trouble. I have had a similar experience with my daughter's asthma. As soon as she would begin coughing at night due to asthma I would immediately feel a knot in my stomach and would focus all of my attention on waiting for the next symptoms (which more often than not, never came). This fall, try to step away from your phone and email and enjoy living life as a parent of a college student. I have heard Thames parents say that they slept with their cell phone next to their bed for the entire month of September anticipating getting bad news or an emergency phone call. What if you changed this perspective and expected only good news when you received a text or phone call from your son/daughter and Thames staff? What would you think if your son/daughter feels independent and doesn't call you for 2 weeks? Does this mean the worst? Absolutely not! They may be having such a fun time that they forget to call! Try to be excited, supportive and celebrate each phone call (or non-phone call as is usually the case with teen boys ). Even if in the past a phone call meant there was trouble, your year at Thames will be a different experience. Hopefully your attention and "waiting for the shoe to drop" feeling will fade this year and you will look forward to good news emails/phone calls from us and your child!
Lesson 3 - Take Care of Yourself
I'm going to quote directly from the book for this lesson because the author said it best!
"Get therapy for yourself and for whomever else needs it in the family ....Don't say that you don't have time to have somebody help you. It's a necessity."
"Remain committed as a couple."
After you drop your son/daughter off at Thames Academy in late August, you will have significantly more time on your hands. Time to spend with your spouse or significant other, time to pursue a hobby/passion, time to travel, time to devote to your career, time to spend with your other children. Please take care of yourself and view this time as an opportunity to reinvest in you.
Parents and children are human. Just as we (parents) occasionally make mistakes, our children too will occasionally have missteps during their year at Thames Academy. The author says that she chooses to view these moments as opportunities for growth. "Any incident...is an opportunity for teaching a child the right way. If we look at it like this, as an opening for education and growth, it takes the drama out of the moment and the emotion out of the event." When missteps happen this is precisely what we need - to take the emotion and drama out of the event. Remember, your children are human and will grow in amazing ways this year but growth is sometimes painful and may be in a direction that you weren't anticipating....and that is ok!
Lesson 5 - Your Are Becoming a Team Member, Not the Captain
Lesson 6 - Keep a Diary
Keeping a diary has many purposes. As a parent, you can record your feelings and thoughts as the year progresses. You can vent and experience catharsis through writing. Then at graduation in May you can look back at your thoughts and see your own personal growth! You can also keep a diary of your communication with your child on the phone, text or email. This information is helpful for Thames academic advisors who want to be sure that what we see from your son/daughter matches who you see and hear at home. Lastly, sometimes medication changes need to be made during the year and keeping a record of your son/daughter's behavior and mood can be helpful for physicians and therapists.
Lesson 7 -Thames is a Process, not a Moment
At the end of her book, the author thanks the many people who have positively affected her son's life. She thanks some of his teachers for believing and exemplifying Lesson #7. "Thank you for living the belief that it is a process not a today's product that matters in life." Thames Academy is a year long journey with both ups and downs. Our goal is to help your son/daughter become more confident and prepared for their future whether in college, living independently or in a career. Please don't judge this goal at the end of September, December or February. Feel free to judge the outcome of your son/daughter's Thames Academy experience in May! We are a year long program and growth might take just that long.Lesson 8- Develop Friendships
In her book, the author mentions that she has several types of friendships:
- She has friends who are also parents of children with special needs who end up being great sources of information
- Friends who she doesn't see often but are "email confidants"
- Friends who liven up her day with only a quick email or phone call of 'Hello'\
- Friends who embraced her situation and were always welcoming of her son and were always there in an emergency situation
- Friendships that are purely social and fun, lighthearted and relaxingI encourage you to find all of these types of friendships in your own social and community circles or with the other Thames parents (both new and old). You never know who will become a good friend by the end of the year, so reach out to each other and make connections. We all need different types of friendships in our lives. None are better than another. Thames parents are the most kind, supportive and funny people that I know! I hope you will also consider Thames staff part of your friend group as well. Thames staff has varied interests and experiences but we all care deeply for your children and greatly value our relationships with you!
I would love to know what you think about this post and the ideas in it. Feel free to leave a comment on our Thames Parent Facebook page and share your thoughts with other Thames parents!
~Jen Sullivan
I've moved on to a new summer reading book.....Kindle edition is only $7.99!
